When actor A ridicules actor B, it is because:

1. He really hates his guts
2. It’s good for business
3. They are secretly in love
4. He is just jealous

When politician A slams politician B, it is because:

1. He is fond of the founding fathers
2. He is anti-establishment
3. He craves a dirty race
4. He is struggling with weight issues

When athlete A puts down athlete B, it is because:

1. It is a “Who’s your daddy?’ type of thing
2. He has a bigger package
3. He was flirting with the interviewer at the time
4. He likes to read his name in the paper

When kindergartener A throws up on kindergartner B, it is because:

1. He wanted to show off the fancy breakfast he just had
2. To force him to change clothes
3. To get dismissed from school early
4. To visit the hot nurse at school

When scientist A discredits scientist B, it is because:

1. That’s what apes do
2. He hates mice-based research
3. The Nobel committee almost never recognizes genius
4. His grant proposal is being reviewed

When housewife A talks behind housewife B’s back, it is because:

1. She refuses to share her blueberry scone recipe
2. She has her own blog
3. She didn’t “like” her Facebook post about inner beauty
4. She misses her dog

When country A bombs country B, it is because:

1. It is never about the Polish
2. It is never about the French either
3. Someone has to blame the Canadians, the Mexicans, and the Belgians
4. The dentists deserve it

When TV channel A makes fun of TV channel B, it is because:

1. The news cycle is too slow
2. It truly believes the other is an idiot
3. The viewers agree
4. It’s the new journalism stupid

When bookseller A outsells bookseller B, it is because:

1. Toys are the new books
2. He has big margins
3. He sells sex at his store, literally
4. He cooks the books

When comedian A makes fun of comedian B, it is because:

1. It’s a name recognition game
2. A joke is never political
3. Good jokes should not be wasted on the competition
4. He started it

When product A leaks battery acid on product B, it is because:

1. Everyone hates curvy products
2. It was not as slick and skinny as the others
3. To add some color to it
4. It had digestion issues

When janitor A whacks janitor B with his mop, it is because:

1. It is always about survivor mode down there
2. That’s what janitors really do with their free time
3. Someone has to lead
4. It is the quickest way the dry up a mop

When show host A lies about show host B, it is because:

1. It helps the ratings
2. It is something to tweet about
3. The contract is up for renewal
4. He is a communist

When writer A attacks writer B, it is because:

1. He is engaged in self-hatred
2. He is promoting his books
3. He craves attention
4. He wants to sleep with him